I’ve learned recently my (our) tendency to really hold things in is both exhausting and can cause me to spiral. So instead of holding everything in today, I’m going to let go of it. I can’t imagine that it’s just me, so I’m going to call on my courage to speak it aloud.
Notice that I’m not saying “I am afraid” — I am not fear. Seth Godin tells us:
We say, "I am afraid," as if the fear is us, forever. We don't say, "I am a fever" or "I am a sore foot." No, in those cases, we acknowledge that it's a temporary condition, something we have, at least for now, but won't have forever.
I have fear that I’m screwing up my friendships. That I’m not reaching out enough, or attentive enough, and especially that I don’t go along with how they want me to be. I have fear that maybe it’s okay to let those relationships go and I have fear about how that will hurt or damage them (and me).
I have fear that I care too much about things. That because of my high standards and dissatisfaction with how things are, that I’m insufferable. I have fear that people will abandon me because of this.
I have fear that everyone thinks I’m too much. That I ask too many questions when ordering food. That I think and analyze too much. That I am too indecisive and take too long to make a decision. I have fear that I don’t know another way to be.
I have fear that I am lost, that I won’t figure it out.
I have fear that I won’t be seen or recognized for who I really am versus what others hope I am or want me to be.
I have fear that I won’t be able to choose myself. That I am too reliant on others to help make me whole. That I’ll never find “the one” and that “the one” doesn’t exist.
The point of me adding oxygen to these fears in the moment is that I don’t want to hold them anymore. I want to let them go. We learn fears, at least in part, to keep us safe. For whatever safety they may have once provided, I am grateful.
I want love to flow through me, so let me not keep this fear blocked up inside. We all have a fear that we won’t be loved. But we *are* love. We just have all these blockages and walls that disrupt it’s flow. Let’s work on breaking those down, choose to love ourselves and let love in. That’s what I’m going to do today. Join me.
P.S. This is not the first time I've written about this, and likely won't be the last. For more see "It's okay."